There, there

No I'm not. I changed venue. In my last post I dared you all to try and find me on tumblr, but none of you actually looked for me. So here I am!

Why? You all wonder. Why would she do this to us? And by that I mean: "Why would she keep inflicting this pain on us? We never even asked to know about this blog!" Well. Because I'm a narcissistic whore, thats why, sillies!

I've been thinking for a while now that I might move over to tumblr. Vox serves it's purpose, but I'm tired of the limited layout and the constant need to title things. Tumblr is much less complicated and pleasing to the eye.

I started this blog at a time when I wasn't feeling really great and I needed to prove to myself that I can do this, and that no matter if everyone else thought it was weird and lame, I was capable of sometimes being funny or right or whatever. And it really did help. I know pop culture. That's what I know. I really don't know other things the way I know pop culture. That's why it's been pretty nice doing this. It might not always have worked or translated to everyone, but that is hard to do, trust me. You can't always reach everyone. And there has been the occasional over sharing, but that's something I can't help. Sometimes I get the urge to make an embarrassing video of myself. That's why you blog. It's inevitable that the person writing seeps through, and if you want "facts" or light entertainment you should read a newspaper. There are also a lot of pictures of me, I know. Because like everyone else, I'm fascinated with knowing what I look like to everyone else. And I would love to post pictures of friends and other living humans, but that just doesn't seem fair of me. I would have to check with them before doing something like that, and that seems like a lot of work for a easy going blog like this. 

The reason why all this sounds so "end of the world", is because it is. I thought about a trillion ideas for a tumblr, because I'm really not capable of the personal branding thing, I don't have the energy for it. But I didn't come up with anything either. And what I do (quite awfully) here, millions of other people do  so much better. And that's what I actually wanted to talk about. 

It all started last year, about this time. I was working, but rarely had anything to do during my working hours. I started reading Defamer (which doesn't really exist anymore, I think), and that's where I saw Molls. Molls did the weekly L.A. To Do's for Defamer, which I initially ignored because she seemed really boring. And why the hell would I watch the To Do's in a city I'll never have the chance to visit? But at some point I started watching them and then I was hooked.

I'm not really sure about my Molls facts, but I think she left Boston for L.A. to become a comedian/actor/writer. I think she was working for HBO for a while until they fired her. I think. Then she worked for Defamer. Her grandfather was author John McAleer. Her mother has a vintage shop in Boston, and is apparently very funny when drunk. 

Molls has a gay husband named Ed (ok, they're not married) and the two seem to have a special connection. Ed's blog (KiNda FaBuLoUs) is just what it sounds like. And I think Ed is the gay husband we'd all like to have. Molls friend Alexis Hyde is (I think) a make up artist (hello! L.A.) and she has like the most incredable art tumblr ever. I study art history and I would still never in a million years have this woman's knowledge. Or I would at least never have the balls to write about art. And she seems like a levelheaded woman.

Anyways, there are a lot of people that I follow, all from L.A. and somehow connected to Molls. But I'll link to them later. These are my Top 10 To Do's with Molls (I tried Top 5 but it was impossible) which are kind of awsome once you get Molls. (The linkage didn't work for all of them, so click on the addresses. Surpise surprise Vox. You suck.)

Top 10 To Do's with Molly McAleer:

Molls in the fridge, Cribs episode (http://defamer.gawker.com/5040251/this-is-where-the-magic-happens)

Where we meet Wagandstuff, the dog 

Molls on location shoot, bathroom (http://defamer.gawker.com/5036764/of-douches-depp-and-drug-stores)

Foot race outside the Cha Cha

Snuggle party, naturally (http://defamer.gawker.com/5039719/snuggle-party)

Molls on being an American (http://defamer.gawker.com/5021666/keepin-it-real--real-american-that-is)

The grandmother from Golden Girls died

Beyonce's Birthday, parking lot 

90210 talk, incredable enthusiasm

Molls borrows a child 

What I know about these people is scary. And that knowledge has been attained in a year. I don't know if I can introduce them any better. These are just a few of the other people i L.A. trying to make it there:

Tom Oatmeal, whom I steal from reguraly.

Steven Meyers, Molls former co-worker and a bit of an asshole.

Ned Hepburn, a bit of an neurotic asshole (I like them both of course).

Tess Lynch, has an aura about her.

Molly Lambert, with all the crazy GIFs and the Jonas Brothers secrets.

Also, Sara.

And then there is Caragh, who doesn't live in L.A. but who is very funny and way smarter than I was at 21. She doesn't really "tumblr" that much. It's more of a traditional blog for her, but I think that's been approved? She smokes a lot of weed. They all do, I guess.

I think it was this crazy old coot who said "blog like nobody's reading". And that might just be my problem right now. Who knows, maybe I'll start that tumblr. Good luck trying to find me though.

That said, good bye blogworld. Have a good one.

From page 32,122 of my Latest Novel

“Her hands were like the hands of a doll, but larger - person-sized, I suppose now that I’m picturing them.  It was difficult to describe, but her caress was different from most women.  Instead of touching my face with a soft, open palm she preferred to ball her fingers up, like fists. Her method was more aggressive than I was used to and at times it was almost painful. Later, at the hospital, I found out from some of the doctors that she had been punching me.”

Via Tom Oatmeal.

Thought so.

An Excerpt from my Novel, “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” (Which will probably be a movie soon if I had to guess)

As night drew near I knew that I had to work faster to attach the device to the hippo that would enable us to control his jaws.  The town was covered in marbles, but if this expedition was anything like the last one, I knew the enemy scientists would be close behind me and they would have hippos of their own.  Sure, they would be different colored hippos, but they would also have the jaw control device and they would be just as hungry as my hippo.  This was the future and gigantic marbles were expensive.

“Don’t use up all of your energy,” the hot female tour guide said to me.  She smiled and then laughed suggestively so I laughed suggestively too.

“What the fuck is she talking about?” I wondered.

Luckily, I guessed she was talking about sex, but later as we were lying in bed I wondered, “Is she always this cryptic?”  

Via Tom Oatmeal